Big Heads Unite

The fetus world rejoiced this week as our fellow big head took the American Idol competition. They actually say the Arch-“see”-u-leta kid looks like a fetus, but wouldn’t that be a really ugly fetus? Yes. And why are his lips always so wet? I bet he makes sucking noises all the time to get the saliva to stay in his mouth and it gets on his friends nerves... maybe even worse than his dad’s hat. I heard he still breast feeds. The bad thing is that he will probably be on the Disney Channel forever, including all of my childhood years.

I haven’t seen much of my father lately and that’s been nice. Mom said his trip to Dallas was something called a “Babymoon”, but he disagreed. I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean anyway. Does he think his life is going to be so bad when I’m around that he needs to do all the fun stuff he can before I get here? I think that is what he thinks and it hurts my feelings. I just grew feelings a couple weeks ago and he already hurt them. What a jerk. See if I don’t decide to play 6 sports and participate in 14 extracarriculars in grade school just so you have to drive me from one to the next all day, every day. Your fancy beers will sit there all by themselves while I am learning gymnastics from a gay man in tights, dad.

I’ve been checking out some daycares lately, since my parents don’t care about me enough to stay home and raise me. I knew they were expensive, but wow… $900 a month??? Dad said I will have to pay him back when I’m old enough to work…. So I’ve got 5 years to get ready for that. Don’t know who buys sweat, but dad says there is a shop for that and that they would hire me.

Other news, Mother Erin and dad ordered a chair for me to rock in. It’s a glider rocker, with a glider ottoman. Dad has to put it together though, so I don’t see the gliding feature working the way it’s supposed to. This is the first large purchase they made for me, out of way more than they realize. I am totally fabulous and intend to have all that is fabulous…. Just kidding. I hate people that say things like that.

I had a Unibrous Maudite beer tonight to calm my nerves, which grew in awhile back and continue to stress me out. Don’t tell Mother Erin though… she’s a total hag when it comes to things like drinking while incubating. She won’t even let me have a cup of coffee, let alone a vodka tonic.

Ok, it’s bed time. I’m going to go listen to The Ting Tings album and read ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting To Hate Your Mom”